


Your pain is my pain

by RayWritesFanfiction



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: After infinity war, Depression, Everyone Has Issues, Family, Family Feels, Implied Relationships, M/M, Marvel Universe, Other, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 10:37:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19083325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RayWritesFanfiction/pseuds/RayWritesFanfiction
Summary: Loki is in the afterlife and Thor is not. Magic allows Loki to keep his eye on Thor but it brings with it many emotions he wished it didnt feel when watching his brother.





	Your pain is my pain

Authors Notice- This little thing stems from the idea of one way magic portals, and while does not directly mention any romantic Thorki (rather being left ambiguous so hat the reader can decide) I still put it under the Thorki tag due to it being focused around the two of their relationship (familiar or romantic). —————————————————————————————————————— XXXXXX ——————————————————————————————————————

His steps were controlled, light and as graceful as ever. They warned those who were below him of his presence. Warning them to move to another hall if they wished to avoid a verbal conflict with the ever irritable and miserable Odinson. He had been this way since arriving in this place, an afterlife that resembled a peaceful paradise, and with no other way to let out the frustration over his own death it was commonplace for him to take it out on those he deemed below himself, being harsh and cruel in all manner of the words if his mood called for it. The ends of his robes danced around his smaller frame with the same elegance as they always had as he moved through the halls. But now as he wandered, that striking green and black fabric that has once made him look so powerful did little to convey the same raw power it had. It was practically laughable. When contrasted with the gold that accented the marble halls he walked in, Loki looked almost out of place, sticking out much like a sore thumb and being the only darkness in a palace filled with the soft glow of undisturbed sunlight. The dark green and black combination that he had always worn certainly didn’t suit a place this blindingly bright and pure. At least, he thought as he crossed over the crimson stretch of rug, which reminded him faintly of the drapes his brother used to wear, his colour scheme fit in with that of the gardens; given he all but blended in amongst the neatly cut hedges and grass. As he took a step out into the fresh air of the morning he noticed his posture visibly relax, even though it was just the slight movement of his shoulders and the way his back released from its ram rod straight position. A breath left his mouth, eyes shutting for just a moment as he breathed in the cleaner air and let it sooth his agitation and irritability. It was cooler outside and felt less stuffy too, free from the suffocating levels of testosterone and the large muscled warriors. Perhaps it was due to the common idea that the gardens were for more feminine figures like his mother… Well, Loki had always preferred being in places with his mother than his father or the warriors. Speaking on the matter of Loki’s mother, her voice could be heard from inside calling Odin for some sort of unknown urgent matter. Loki didn’t care if he was being honest, but his mothers voice was always something he would listen out for even if it was only to hear the familiar gentleness within it and not the actual message itself. He had missed the comforting sound after her passing. His feet carried on through the gardens. He swept through the hedges, completely bypassed the oak trees, brushed passed the seating area, and only stopped when he had reached a small walled off area. Private the sign read, but as he stood before the only access point, a large iron gate that had no signs of rust or wear at all, it opened seemingly of its own accord. Loki hummed to himself, marvelling silently in the system that was able to recognise certain magic types, specifically that of himself and his mother. This was his safe haven. Slipping inside he found himself drawn towards the small pool of water that he often spent so much of his time by. Its crystal like liquid rippling and twisting in an eye-catching dance, the strange want to peer into its dept was a tempting as ever but Loki resisted as best he could, he didn’t want to face what lied in the water just yet. Opting to just sit near the water and try to relax, he began building himself a crown of flowers. Colours of white, soft baby blue and green foliage were woven together creating a crown that rivalled that of any rich golden item. It was peaceful for a while.

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In the land of the living it was not quite so calm, at least not for a certain god. His heart had been shattered, and his mind and body had followed in quick succession. First his mother, then his father, sister and homeland taken from him…. and the straw that broke the camels back. His baby brother. Thor hadn’t been the same, spiralling in such a drastic way that each time he left his mess of a house he seemed to be worse off than the time before. Eventually leaving became rarer and rarer and Thor found comfort in the darkness and fog of alcohol. The curtains in his bedroom remained pulled tightly shut constantly, the door almost always locked and barricaded with a heap of dirty clothes that were all covered in one kind of alcohol or another. Vodka; Beer; Whiskey; Brandy. You name it they were covered in it most likely. Though, drinking wasn’t the only reaction he had to his spiralling. With the decline in his mental health it was only natural for a hot-headed male like Thor to feel some form of anger or resentment at himself or others for what had happened. This anger was the main reasoning behind all the broken glass covering his floor, one of many reasons why he didn’t leave his bed unless he absolutely had too. Plenty of bottles had suffered the fate being thrown at walls in a fit of rage after Thor had spent too long thinking and not enough time drinking or eating away his feelings, subduing them until he was able to actually do anything other than cry or scream desperately like a child having lost a favourite toy. Thor currently sat hunched over in his room as per usual, eyes (which drooped tiredly) stained a bloodshot red from the tears which had finally dried up for the night. The tracks remained on his cheeks but he didn’t have enough energy left within him to care. His hands were clasped tightly around a bottle of rum. Knuckles white as his brain replayed horrid memories over and over again behind his eyelids, dug behind enemy lines and running wild within his shattered mind. He was helpless as he lay back, hand coming to rest over his eyes as they burned with a familiar warmth, a burn that almost resembled the burn of the liquor that passed his lips so often now. He just wanted what he had lost back… needed it in fact.

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Loki sighed heavily as he sat up from his lying position in the grass of the gardens, he had been thinking. Thinking about Thor as his fingers had dragged lazily though the blades of green on either side of his torso. He needed to see him again, even if it was just a snapshot through the mirror like waters of the pool next to him. The pull of it had become too strong to resist, and even as Loki told himself that looking down to see his brother would cause him emotional pain, he couldn’t help his muscles from moving seemingly of their own accord and pushing him into a sitting position where he overlooked the waters which stilled upon meeting his fingers. The pool quickly became mirror-like in its qualities, perfectly flat and reflective in an instant. His eyes glanced up at the sky as he mentally prepared himself for the broken man he was about to see once more, perhaps even making a silent prayer for his sake as well, before letting a flash of green magic cover the surface of the liquid activating the ability of the pool which Loki tortured himself with on a frequent basis. Upon looking back down Loki felt his heart sink heavily at the scene, it was the same as usual and Loki couldn’t help the soft exhale he released at the sight of the man on the other side of the one way gateway. His brother who he had once followed with such a pure love and admiration, the same brother that had fought him on so many fronts and watched him ‘die’ on multiple occasions. He felt hate towards himself bubble within his chest a little more as his hand reflexively moved to reach out and stroke his brothers cheek, perhaps push a strand of hair from his face or take the hand which hid his brothers head from view. That however was the only thing this portal couldn’t do for him, the one thing he had desired since finding out about its limitations. He was unable to interact with anything in the living world and it brought Loki back to wondering if this portal was indeed a good thing for him or a curse that made him more frustrated at being unable to properly help his brother. Touch him. Hold him. Reassure him. Apologise. He watched the way Thor’s chest raised and fell in a fairly even rhythm, and it was almost soothing to see that his internal organs hadn’t given up when everything else in his brother had long ago. Adjusting his seating position he moved his hand to the edge of the pool, fingers gently grasping the rough stone edge. He felt guilt and pain sitting heavily on his chest but it was coupled with the soft warmth of comfort he got from seeing that his brother hadn’t reached the edge just get, though he was getting closer; toes now metaphorically dangling over the edge of the cliff. The conflicting emotions made his head feel light and dizzy and as he shut his eyes and put his focus onto his breathing, purposefully trying to make it match that of Thor’s which he could faintly hear through the portal like water. It almost felt as if he was in the room with his brother. This and the fact he had his eyes shut allowed his mind to wander of times that had passed in which the two would share a bed. They had often cuddled back then, Loki fitting under his brothers chin while curled up in a loose ball. By no means had it been perfect but it had worked, and now it was all Loki longed for. Loki didn’t like perfection and their past relationship hadn’t been by any stretch but it had been so much more to him, something which could be adapted and was built upon over a long time; ever-changing unlike that which was ‘perfect’ that was unable to be changed for the better. Sure the two brothers had fought and had hated each other but the both knew one could not survive without the other, this made very apparent from how much Thor was struggling without Loki and how agitated Loki had become without Thor to help balance his emotions. Loki sighed after a while and let his head drop forward as he succumbed to the feelings that washed over him, secretly he wished it could last longer. But as his magic dwindled and his energy supply ran lower than he would have liked, he whispered softly to no one but the birds. “The moon sits high in its throne, but the sun will return as it always does… my dear, pained brother”


End file.
